Heather’s Rider

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve probably heard about artist riders.

Thanks to all the commotion about M&Ms and other nonsense you don’t have to work in the music industry to be aware of those pesky sections of the contract that require specific food, drink and, in some cases, items to fulfill an artist’s particular quirk… pictures of Princess Diana, 32 purple candles, an extra large gray sweatshirt and things like that.

Every time I book a show at the performing arts center, I have to read through the sometimes extensive list, cross out what we can’t provide and then make sure we have what we did agree to provide on hand on the day of the show.

I’m actually lucky because we are located in city hall. No alcohol is allowed on city property so I have a legitimate excuse to cross out the booze.

My only reason for crossing out 32 purple candles is that I’m cheap and don’t want to take the time to go candle shopping.

I was crossing off a $250 bottle of scotch on the latest hospitality rider when it hit me. I want a rider.

I want a list of stuff that would make me feel comfortable when I travel. I want to ensure that I always have my favorite foods on hand.

Now I know that I won’t have a lot of opportunity to use my rider. I don’t spend months at a time traveling from venue to venue on a bus.

But I’m going to include my rider when I make my next hotel reservation.

Heather’s Rider

• 1 six pack of diet coke in 8.5 oz aluminum bottles. (No cans or plastic bottles, please.)
• 1 box of Skinny Cow dreamy clusters.
• 1 lean cuisine. (No beef entrees, please)
• 3 stamped postcards featuring something of local interest.
• 1 8.5 oz bag of Cape Cod 40% reduced fat kettle chips.
• 1 12 oz. bottle of Frank’s Original Red Hot sauce.
• 1 novel (preferably autographed) by a local author.
• 2 egg rolls from your town’s best Chinese restaurant.
• 1 spinach bagel from your town’s best bagel place.
• 2 Timothy’s Mocha Java k-cups, 1 carton of fat free non-dairy creamer and two packets of Sweet & Low.
• 1 buckwheat hull pillow with case.

Talk about a low stress rider. All I need is  little Frank’s and the right pillow to make me happy. Is that too much to ask?