Murders, drug dealers and alluders.

A man in Brattleboro, Vermont was arrested for felony eluding this week.

I know that’s what the newscaster said and it makes sense since the guy was suspected of killing his wife on the day she filed for divorce.

I’d probably try to elude too in that case.

But what I heard was “felony alluding” and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since.

Not only does it roll off the tongue nicely (Go ahead, try it. Felony alluding.), but I’m taken with the idea of veiled references as criminal acts.

Suddenly all those people who hint around instead of just making their point aren’t just annoying, but felons.

And smug types that make obscure literary, musical or cinematic references in every conversation just to prove they are smarter than the rest of the room? Throw them in jail with the murderers, drug dealers and jay walkers.

Let’s see how long their allusionistic ways last on the cell block.

Would there be a special alluding task force in the state police or FBI?

Would someone who tried to avoid arrested for the crime be charged with both felony alluding and felony eluding?

Would there be degrees of alluding? First degree for the most obscure or pretentious allusions, second degree for referring to best forgotten incidents from personal history?

The possibilities are almost endless.

I have a feeling felony alluding is going to be on my mind for a long time.

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