I’m a pizza inventor.

I’ve always been taken with the idea of inventing something.

Not a scientific or mechanical something. That would require too much work. And math.

A word or a saying would be easier, but since none of my Heather-isms have ever taken off, that just leaves me with a recipe.

So here’s the Three Onion Pizza that I’ve created. Maybe it’s been done before, but my internet search didn’t turn up anything. (If you find another three onion pizza out there, don’t tell me and ruin the dream of “Heather the inventor”.)

Three Onion Pizza

Ingredients:

1 pizza crust mix (I use Betty Crocker, but any mix will do, but don’t buy pre-made crust or dough.)
1/2 cup of hot water (or however much water your crust mix calls for.)
1 pinch of salt
1/2 teaspoon of crushed red pepper
1 teaspoon of pizza seasoning or any mix of yummy, Italian type spices
1/2 cup each of three different onions (I like to use Vidalia, red onion and leeks, but I’ve also tried green onions, Cipollini and shallots. They’re all good.)
3/4 cup of pizza sauce (My mom makes this from scratch, but store-bought sauce works as long as it’s in a can, not a jar. I don’t like the jarred kind.)
3/4 cup of shredded mozzarella or pizza cheese
Olive oil

Directions:

1) Preheat the oven to 450 degrees and spray a pizza pan with cooking spray.

2) Combine the crust mix, salt, red pepper and pizza seasoning together in a bowl.

3) Add the water and stir until it’s a dough ball. Cover and let it sit for five minutes.

4) Chop the onions three different ways. Slices one into rings, dice another and chop the third. Or you can get more creative. You just want them to not look alike.

5) In a small fry pan, add a little olive oil and one kind of onion. I recommend the Vidalia. Cook it over low heat until it’s carmelized. (I actually don’t know if this is how you carmelize onion. Or the difference between fried onions and carmelized onions, for that matter. If you know how to carmelize onions, do that.)

6) Flour the counter and plop your dough out of the bowl. Kneed it a couple of times and then spread it out on the pizza pan. I cheat and use a rolling pin to get the crust big enough because I hate fighting with it on the pan. I always end up with holes and I don’t like holey pizza.

7) Prick the crust with a fork and brush it with some olive oil. Then bake it for five to eight minutes.

8) Remove the crust from the oven and make sure it lifts off the pan. (Trust me, you want to do this know rather than discover it would come up when it’s fully loaded.)

9) Spread the pizza sauce on the crust. Then add the carmelized (or fried) onions, the other two raw onions and top with the cheese.

10) Bake until it’s brown and bubbly.

11) Remove from the oven and let the pizza sit for five minutes.

12) Cut and enjoy. Then brush your teeth and suck on a roll of breath minutes.

Now, can someone tell me where to findthe closest patent office?

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