It could be worse. I could use Aqua Net.

I have a secret that have been hiding it for years and it is time to come clean.

My hairspray comes in a giant pink aerosol can and is “extreme hold.” It could easily serve as a prop in the musical hairspray.


The first problem with this is that I’m killing the environment a little bit with each spray. At least I think I am. Are aerosol cans are still bad, right? I’ll have to google that.

The hairspray also leaves my hair pretty much immovable, which is not very chic.

Even though the point of hairspray is to hold hair, current hair opinion is that hair should be soft and bouncy, not a stiff helmet. Unfortunately my hair only moves in one direction. Down. So soft and bouncy turns to flat and stringy quickly without a lot of help.

Because my hairspray causes me great amounts of guilt and embarrassment, I go out of my way to make sure people don’t see it. I never take it with me on trips and I make sure to hide the can in the back of my cabinet when company comes over.

I tried to break up with my hairspray.

I’ve bought the cute little pump bottles of “natural hold” spray and tried the funky organic, all natural stuff. But within minutes my hair no longer has any semblance of style.

So I go crawling back to the evil, ozone-destroying extreme hold and hair that doesn’t move.

I figure at least I look good as I’m contributing to global warming.

And you’re welcome for the hottest year on record.


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