You can call me Roadkill.

I wish I had a nickname.

Not just any nickname, a cool nickname, the type of nickname I’d have if I belonged to a biker gang or were in prison. Something like Roadkill or Mayhem.

Most nicknames are derivative of your actually name, but Heather isn’t very nickname conducive.

My mother calls me H.J. for Heather Jean. But she’s the only one I let call me that.

And a few close friends call me Heath.

Once in a while someone I don’t know well calls me Heath and it irks me that they are getting too friendly too fast. I always want to say, “You haven’t earned the right to call me Heath yet, so back off!”

And Heath doesn’t sound like a biker name, unless I put “the” in front of it. The Heath.

Nah, I don’t like that. Plus people would probably mispronounce it as “Heeth.” Who wants a nickname that makes people think of grasslands?

When I was a little girl my brother used to call me Hess. I hated it and that’s probably the only reason he did it.

My father had a CB radio when I was a kid and I begged him for a CB name like all the truckers. Not that I ever talked on the CB, I just wanted the name.

Finally he told me that my CB name could be Ricochet.

I can’t imagine where he came up with that one and I still wonder if there is some hidden meaning there, some private joke that I never understood.

If I really were in prison (or a prison movie), I’d probably have a nickname like Shakespeare. The type of nicknames they give to the wimpy, brainy prisoners.

Wouldn’t that be disappointing? To end up in prison and be called The Librarian or Doc or something boring like that?

No, I want a tough, intimidating nickname. Any suggestions?


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