A Personality Test With Unusual Results

People usually don’t believe or understand it when I say I am not interested in finding a “forever love,” a “life partner” or even a date, but I’m truly indifferent when it comes to that stuff.

Because of this lack of interest, I normally don’t pay any attention to ads for dating websites on TV. Until earlier this week, that is, when I saw one that invited people to take a personality test and review their matches for free.

Personality test? I love personality tests!

From Meyers-Briggs to fashion magazines quizzes, I take them all. There’s just something appealing about answering a bunch of questions and having all your quirks and faults explained away.

And getting the test results as men the site thinks are good matches for me sounds like kind of a hoot.

So, after much hemming and hawing, I went to the website and took the test. I used a junk email address and a fake name, though.

(For the record, I don’t have any problem with dating websites. I know several people who have met their spouse through these services and are quite happy. I’m not judging them or the site. It’s just not for me.)

I went to the extremes when I took the test. Every answer was “strongly agree” or “strongly disagree,” none of that namby pamby “no opinion” for me.

I figured I’d get more pure results that way. That also meant I was strongly opposed to things (like children and sports) about which I’m actually quite ambivalent, but so be it.

I completed the test and waited for my matches to roll in.

The first guy, “John” was 58. Wait, 58? I’m not old enough to date someone who is almost sixty, am I?

John also had three kids and listed them as the most important thing in his life. Why would they suggest him for someone who strongly opposed kids?

I know that once you get to be my age, most of the men are going to have kids and probably an ex-wife or two or three, but still.

“Mike,” the second match, was closer to my age but listed hunting and fishing as his favorite hobbies in spite of the fact that I had said animal rights were one of the most important issues to me.

Even though I practically said I didn’t get off the couch if I could help it (Not true, but remember I was answering everything in the extreme), several of the men listed playing sports as an interest and a few even said it was one of the things they were most passionate about.

Here are some of my favorite answers my “matches” gave to some of the questions:

What are you most passionate about? “Global harmony.”

What are you most thankful for? “Living in the United States.”

What’s one thing people should know about you? “I’m quite at first.”

Clearly this personality test is flawed if it’s setting me up with such crunchy, patriotic misspellers.

So after a good laugh or two over the men the website matched me with, I closed my account.

The only thing this personality test revealed is that I’m right to avoid dating.

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