Philanthropy, Heather-style.

If I were wealthy to the point of being exceedingly and flamboyantly philanthropic, I would do two things:

1) Offer life scholarships to people who want to try out a different career or achieve a certain goal.

Say for instance you had been working as an auto mechanic for years and really wanted to try writing a novel, I would make sure you had food and a place to live while you wrote.

Or if you wanted to make your home into a foster home for abandoned cats until you could find them good homes. I would pay for all the kitty litter and Nine Lives.

Or if you wanted to be a commentator for the US Open tennis grand slam, I would pay EPSN to hire you.

Or you wanted to see every single show on Broadway for an entire year I would buy the tickets. I’d even spring for the good seats.

Working for a paycheck gets in the way of so many things people would like to do. I would help eliminate that barrier. Just think of all the good things people could accomplish if they had the luxury of time.

2) Each week, I would buy a brand new car. I’d get all different makes and models. One week it would be compact hybrid, the next a SUV.

Then I would drive the new car around until I saw someone with a really old, beat up car. A station wagon that needed a new muffler or a pickup truck with the tailgate held on with a bungee cord, or a rusty sedan.

I would stop the driver and ask them to switch cars for me.

I’m guessing there might be some resistance at first, but I’d find a way to convince them.

Maybe I’d have to have some sort of contract that would persuade them the offer was legit.

Or I could hire a trustworthy celebrity, a star that anyone would put their faith in like Andy Griffith or Betty White. Who wouldn’t trust them?

Once we talked them into it, the person would drive off with a brand new car while Andy, Betty and I would take the beater to a junk yard where an old guy could sell it for parts.

And everyone would be happy.

Yeah, I think I’d make a pretty cool rich person.

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