One Thousand Words on Movies I Haven’t Seen

I have a confession to make. I didn’t watch the original Stars Wars movies until 1992. For a child of the 70s and 80s, this is a nearly unforgivable crime.

I don’t know why I did see them when they were out in the theater. I clearly remember seeing the trailer for the first movie at a drive-in when I was six or seven.

And my cousin in Michigan had all the Star Wars figures. He brought them with him once when he came to visit. He made me Princess Leah because I was a girl and that pissed me off.

When some of my college-mates learned that I had never seen the trilogy, they were horrified. They pretty much forced me to watch them. All three of them. In a row.

I frankly don’t remember much about them. It’s a big six hour Star Wars blur. I remember light sabers and space ships and “Luke, I am your father.” Although I’m not sure if I really remember that line or have just heard about it so much that I think I remember it.

In a way, not having seen the films was kind of a point of pride with me. I don’t shun pop culture at all. But I’m not going to rush to a movie just because everyone else is. I only see a movie if I’m genuinely interested in seeing it.

So here are some other movies that you may be shocked to know I haven’t seen.

Indiana Jones

I have not seen any of the Indiana Jones movies. I don’t even know how many there are. Temple of Doom, Raiders of the Lost Ark… that’s all I can come up with.

I do think I may have seen a scene or two from one of them. Is there something about a pit full of snakes?

If so, that’s probably why I haven’t watched them. I saw that one scene with all the snakes and decided that was enough for me.

I don’t know if my friend Nan knows that I haven’t seen the Indiana Jones films. She’s a big fan and even had a dog named Indiana, so I’m hoping she’ll forgive me when she reads this.

The Lord of the Rings

I have never even been tempted to watch The Lord of the Rings movies (There is more than one, right?). I tried to read The Hobbit once but couldn’t get through it. That feels like a bigger failure to me than not seeing the movies.

I do know that Sean Astin is in The Lord of the Rings and I like him. He was in this movie from the early nineties called Where the Day Takes You with Dermot Mulroney, Will Smith and a bunch of other people. I really liked that movie, but not enough to watch Sean Astin in Lord of the Rings.

Harry Potter

Do you sense a theme here? I guess I don’t like science fiction or fantasy films.

This is a big one. I always get astounded reactions when I tell people that I have seen none of the Harry Potter movies.

The best (and saddest conversation) I had about this was with a casual acquaintance. Somehow the topic came up and he was simply appalled when I told him. He was sputtering about what I was missing and how I should rent them right away.

To defend myself I said, “Well, I have read all the books.”

He stopped, practically mid-sputter, and said, “There are books?”

That was my cue to be appalled.

I think the fact that I have read the books makes me want to see the movies less. I’m sure they are great, epic even. I’m sure the effects are amazing. But I like the way I picture them, not how a director pictures them.

Plus, with all that broom flying, I’d be sure to get motion sickness.

Twilight

These are newer ones, but people still react quite strongly when I tell them I haven’t seen these movies.

I can’t imagine why. They’re written for teenage girls, right?

And I’ve seen Kristen Stewart in other movies and I haven’t liked her. She always seems a little wooden. Maybe she’s stuck in that teen angst thing.

Shrek

I’m not big into animation. I know there are some lovely animated films out there and I shouldn’t limit myself, but I don’t think I’ve seen a single one other than the classic Disney films. No Toy Story, no Cars, no Shrek.

Oh wait, I did see Finding Nemo. Does that count?

I’m told that the Shrek movies are very clever. That I’d like them. Maybe I would. But there always other films that I’d rather watch, so it never makes it to the top of my Netflix list.

Rocky

Here’s another series of movies that I have absolutely no desire to see.

I don’t like boxing movies. If I could get past the violence and the blood, there are probably some pretty good stories there. But unfortunately I can’t seem to get past the violence and the blood.

I applied to a graduate school in Philadelphia. I stayed with a friend when I went for an interview and she took me to the steps that Rocky runs up.

I’m thinking those steps are important to the plot because there were a lot of people that seemed impressed by them. They didn’t mean much to me though.

I’m not really all that embarrassed that I haven’t watched the movies listed above. It’s an interesting conversation topic, although bringing it up casually can be a challenge. (“Hi. Nice to meet you. I’ve never seen Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. How about you?”)

But when it does come up, it leads to good discussions about the films and why I haven’t seen them

So I don’t think I’ll rush out and rent Shrek or Lord of the Rings. After all, a girl’s got to have something to talk about.

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