One Thousand Words on the Morning Wardrobe Rating

I think I’ve become entirely too attached to the morning weather person on Channel Seven.

Each morning before work, I have a cup of coffee and watch a little bit of the Today show.

Because our local station is amateur hour material and incredibly unpolished, I watch Channel Seven out of Boston instead. It’s worth sitting through all the reports of car crashes and house fires (Why do they have so many house fires in Boston?) because the news anchors don’t make me roll my eyes and grit my teeth. In Boston they know which camera to look at and how to pronounce things like Nicolas Sarkozy and Faisalabad.

The best part of this morning ritual happens right after the national news. Al banters with the crowd outside Studio 1A, gives the national weather and then they do a brief “local” weather segment.

You know what I mean. Al says, “And here’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods.” And then they go to the weather in, well, my neck of the woods. Or Boston, in this case.

It doesn’t matter that the forecast is aimed at a city two and a half hours to the south. It doesn’t matter that I sometimes can’t even see Vermont or New Hampshire on the weather map. All that matters is that I get to see what Channel Seven meteorologist Dylan Dreyer is wearing that day.

Sad as this may sound, commenting on her wardrobe is one of the highlights of my morning.

I usually start with an overall first reaction. This takes the form of comments like “That’s a pretty sweater.” Or “I don’t like that skirt.”

Then I get down to the nitty gritty details:

1) Does the outfit look weather appropriate? The woman is telling us about the weather. I don’t care if it’s one hundred degrees in that studio, she shouldn’t be wearing anything sleeveless if it’s below zero outside. It just doesn’t make sense and lessens the impact of the forecast. I’m not suggesting going back to the days when the “weather girl” dressed in a slicker and galoshes when it rains. Just that the outfit is seasonal.

2) Is the outfit appropriate for the time of day? The other day, Dylan was wearing a gorgeous dress. But it looked like she was going to a fancy cocktail party, not standing in front of a map of Massachusetts. The swankiness of the dress diverted attention from the forecast and made me feel woefully underdressed. And I was going to work so I looked somewhat presentable. What about all those poor people watching the news in the bathrobes and pajamas? They must have felt awful about themselves. It’s the first thing in the morning, so cocktail attire just doesn’t seem right.

3) Do the shoes match? I’m told that it’s not cool to match your shoes any more, but I’m a sucker for it. I like black shoes with black clothes and brown shoes with brown clothes. Of course for me it’s easy because I wear black pants and black boots every day. When you’re more fashionable, like Dylan Dreyer, it can be a challenge unless you have the capacity to dye a pair of shoes every morning.

Dylan tends to wear tan shoes a lot. I suppose that works, but I always give extra points when they match the clothes instead of being neutral.

4) What the overall impression? Color, fit and accessories all play a factor here. Is the color flattering? Is the necklace distracting? Are they’re ruffles?

Then I give my overall rating of thumbs up or down. Keep in mind that this all occurs during a thirty or forty second weather segment, some of which Dylan is off screen while they show the five day forecast with cute graphics.

I’m a generous judge. I most often give thumbs up. There were a series of thumbs down this summer when she went through a mild hoochie mama kind of phase, though. It didn’t last long. I wonder if they were trying out a new store for her clothes.

(I hope hoochie mama isn’t some sort of slur. I just meant the outfits were a little street ghetto looking for television. I just looked up hoochie mama in the urban dictionary. It’s not a nice very definition, but I don’t think it’s a slur. The definition references Patti LaBelle which is kind of strange. I think that urbandictionary.com might be slurring Patti LaBelle. They misspelled her name too.)

It’s a little strange that I’ve fallen into this habit because I know nothing about fashion. My current wardrobe is entirely black, white, gray and raspberry (my accent color). It’s perfect because everything goes together, but it’s not exactly stylish.

Did I mention I talk to the television too? I’ll say “Oh Dylan, that’s not a good look on you” or “Wow, you look great today!” Like she can hear me. Like I actually know her personally.

I guess you start to feel like you know someone when they appear in your living room every morning.

That must be the strangest thing about being on television, whether it’s as a meteorologist or an actor on a show. People think they know you. They stop you on the street and act like they are your best friend.

I’ve experienced this to tiny degree because I give the curtain speech before concerts and I’m in the paper once in a while talking about the performing arts center. Occasionally people say, “Hi Heather” to me and I don’t know who they are. I assume they’ve seen me on stage.

It’s a creepy feeling even on my small scale. I’m sure it’s downright frightening for famous people at times.

Unlike a lot of crazies out there, I would never stop Dylan Dreyer on the street and offer my opinions of her outfit. But since she can’t hear me, I’m going to continue to enjoy my daily wardrobe rating. My coffee wouldn’t be the same without it.

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