One Thousand Words Because I’m Not Sick!

First of all, I feel better.

A choir of angels should come down from the heavens and sing the Halleluiah Chorus when I say that.

Have you ever noticed that when you haven’t felt well and then start to feel better, you suddenly think you can conquer the world? Even if you still don’t feel one hundred percent, it’s like a load has been lifted off your shoulders. It’s practically euphoric.

I guess that sounds a little melodramatic since I only had a cold. But I am not a good sick person.

I usually start by adamantly denying that I’m sick. I’m a firm a believer in mind over matter and the fact that I hadn’t been sick in over a year until this week proves that it works.

So I spent all day Sunday saying, “I’m not sick.”

I got up and said, “I’m not sick.”

I read the paper and said, “I’m not sick.”

Later I went to work still insisting, “I’m not sick.”

It wasn’t until the show got underway that I allowed that maybe I should go home early. Not because I was sick, but because I wanted to avoid getting sick.

The next morning wasn’t pretty.

I don’t stay home from work often and I fight it right up until the very last minute.

On Monday, I woke up feeling like crap and stayed in bed thinking, “I don’t feel like getting out of bed. I love my bed. Do I really have to leave it?”

But I have an overactive work ethic and sense of obligation, so I got up. I dragged myself around, doing all my normal morning routine at half the speed thinking, “Do I feel bad enough to stay home today?”

I got into the shower and that’s when I start crying.

The crying is what tells me that I’m sick enough to stay home.

But I fought it on Monday. I cried though getting dressed, doing my hair and attempting to put on make-up.

I made it as far as having coffee and watching the Today show before I was sobbing so hard that I went back up stairs, put on my pajamas and climbed back into bed.

I don’t know why I can’t just decide I’m sick and stay home. Why do I have to resort to tears before I give in?

Once I do admit I’m sick, I’m even more obnoxious because I’m whiny.

I’m hot, I’m cold, I’m thirsty, I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe.

I honestly don’t know how anyone could put up with me. Especially my mother because she just wants to be left alone when she’s sick. I must drive her crazy with all my complaining.

I went back to work on Tuesday, but I still felt awful.

And it doesn’t make you feel better when people hear that you’re sick and take a step away or cover their mouths. One guy even held up his fingers in a cross in front of me.

Really? You don’t want to get a cold? Gee, that’s such a surprise.

I understand the impulse. No one wants to gets sick. But I simply offer an “I’m sorry you don’t feel well” and use a lot hand sanitizer the minute the person walks away. Anything else is just rude. And self-centered.

I often wonder why colds make you feel so bad. It’s just a stuffy nose, right? A little fever? A headache? Why do you feel like you just want to curl up in a ball and die? It’s not like you have a serious illness.

But somehow colds make you feel like you’re not going to make it.

My mother said she heard on one of the morning infotainment shows that many of the common held beliefs about colds are actually myths. (I just have to say that I’m really surprised that ‘infotainment’ passed the spell checker. Microsoft Word is very current!)

For instance, I always heard that you should avoid dairy products when you have a cold, or when you are going to sing, because they promote mucus. I subscribed to that belief mostly because milk is disgusting and is practically mucus in a glass anyway.

But the doctor on this show said you don’t have to avoid milk.

They also said that it’s not true that you should rest when you have a cold. In fact light exercise is good for you.

Dairy products I can live with. But the only good thing about having a cold was that it’s an excuse to be lazy. Now, on top of feeling like death warmed over, you’re supposed to go for a jog? Or take a Pilates class?

If you can’t breathe through your nose, how are you supposed to exercise?

Although when I was young my mother used to pile blankets on me and tell me that it was good to sweat when you have a cold. So maybe that’s the point of the exercise.

My mother also subscribes to the Vicks Vapo-Rub school of thought. It makes her so angry that I won’t use it when I’m sick now that I’m an adult.

Just the thought of that stinky, gooey mess rubbed on my chest and covered with a hot, heavy towel makes me feel sicker.

I’ll stick to NyQuil, thank you.

You do have to marvel about the human body though. No matter how bad a cold I have, I’m always very thankful that only one side of my nose stuffs up at a time.

Although I hate how the one clear nostril starts to ache (in my mind it’s because it’s doing the work of two and all the extra air makes it burn), the alternative is worse. Having two stuffed up nostrils and having to breathe through your mouth would just make for a very drooled upon pillow.

Anyway, enough cold talk. I’m feeling better and, even though I was convinced on Wednesday that I would never write another 1000 words again, I’m back!


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